i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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