there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
