So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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