I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
