I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
