If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize