That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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