So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
