so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
