Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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