Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pants are for mortals
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
