I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
