You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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