Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
