I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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