O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
