So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
