Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
