She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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