How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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