Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
