if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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