M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize