saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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