Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
soo... how was my night?
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