That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My cat gives me a boner
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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