just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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