Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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