the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize