have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
