She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
