Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
