That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
