he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
