We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
