i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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