i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
