she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
