I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
