He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my liver is dry heaving
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
