I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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