Three words: puerto rican gang bang
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
