It's Friday. Sex?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
