i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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