Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bring me that man meat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
