I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
