The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
