Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
