wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
