Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
