Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
