I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How's work?
Spinning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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