At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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