At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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