i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
