some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize