...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
