You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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