I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
