she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
