u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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