Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize